 |
| When we hear the word detachment, what do we think? It has a negative connotation, doesn’t it? Allow me share another perspective. One that will hopefully reveal a different side and a different way of thinking about it. Fundamentally, detachment refers to a state of emotional disengagement, the ability to distance oneself from situations and emotions. Sounds pretty ignorant, evasive and avoidant, doesn’t it? Kinda sounds like a cop-out…yes??? Stick with me here, let me explain how it’s useful to look at detachment through a different lens. WHY is having the ability to detach so important? Because emotions and feelings are temporary. They are mere indicators, not leaders. They are internal signals that don’t necessarily reflect REALITY. Yet we are constantly directed to keep our emotions, feelings, and most importantly, our FEARS front and center! This is SUCH a bad idea! <WARNING>: Leading our lives on emotions and feelings will only bring us confusion, disorder and chaos! It’s that simple. Tell me, does this sound familiar? Does this sound like the world we live in? Let’s ask ourselves some questions: Am I stressed out? Anxious and worried about many things, all the time? Do outcomes frequently fall short of my expectations? Do I rely on external factors for my happiness and fulfillment? Is my sense of self-worth reliant upon those external validations? Am I resistant to change or loss, real or perceived? Would I rather hold on so tightly to my attachments, inordinate as they may be, than loosen and let go of them, and enjoy the freedom that is meant for me? Why should ANYTHING get that much of my energy…have that much hold over me? Is this making me seem desperate? Do I want to be desperate??? I hope the answer to that last question is a resounding NO! Having a healthy AWARENESS and ability to DETACH from these temporary feelings and attachments enables us to LET GO of outcomes, possessions, and people. When I say people, I mean their actions…the expectations we have for their actions, of which we have ZERO CONTROL over! Having the strength to let go of practically anything and everything opens the door to maintaining inner peace and clarity, rather than bondage and personal chaos! That’s inner peace and clarity! Who doesn’t want that? Have we ever really considered the potential benefits of detachment? Take a minute with each one: -Detach from outcomes/expectations. It reduces stress/anxiety and gives freedom from worry. -Detach in relationships. Healthy boundaries are more easily established and maintained. -Detach from others. It creates space for more individual growth. -Detach from external validations and events. It minimizes reactivity and promotes emotional resilience. -Detach from holding onto anything. Nurture willingness to walk away, not act out of desperation. -Detach by letting go of everything. It cultivates acceptance and gives greater inner peace. This doesn’t mean we don’t care! We can still detach with love! There’s freedom in this! So HOW do we do it? First DECIDE to TRY this new way of thinking. Then tap into these, which should sound familiar: -Have awareness of personal thoughts and actions. -Be mindful of others. -Be present. I mean really present! It’s FUN! -Be Joyful and TRUST outcomes for the good they are trying to give us. -Have an affirmation ready when feeling attached. “Detach, with love…trust”. -Observe and acknowledge thoughts/emotions without self-judgment. -Practice continuously LETTING GO of ALL things. Yes, ALL things… When I feel the pull toward something that can only be described as an attachment, I say to myself, “Detach Kim…still love,…now trust…” And rather than distract myself with something else, I ask myself “What is this? Why do I need it? What does it give me? When did it start? Why did it start?” Caution: Replacing an attachment with another one is just a form of avoidance, and we likely end up with a new problem, without getting to the root of the old one. No! Instead: acknowledge it, find out more about it, ask the questions, hopefully find some answers, let it pass… It will come up again! And when it does, recognize it, and notice that it’s hopefully losing some of its power over us. Because we know about it. We are onto it. The charade is over. The truth is being revealed. This attachment is not helping us. See how many times the SAME THING comes up in a day. Process it without self-judgment. Without avoiding it or replacing it. Just detach! There’s so much to learn about ourselves in these moments. And so much freedom to be had. At first, the practice of detachment requires patience and perseverance, being fully tuned in, present and aware. When we promise ourselves enough mindfulness to keep trying, keep detaching, it will become automatic. We will pulverize the need for ALL things eventually. Attachments will become a thing of the past. Into the ether they will go. We will be liberated! Enjoying the freedom that is meant for us.FREEDOM, at last! |